As I reflect on all the times I was dissatisfied with my life, I realize that it was because I did not have defined core and personal values. A great example would be my very first big-girl job. As any recent college grad, I was ecstatic to enter the workforce and motivated to show the world what I was made of! Being eager to learn, I dedicated all my time and energy to the company. So much, that I lost the person who needed me the most, which was myself.

            Discouraged by my never-ending to-do list, I worked overtime for no extra pay. I sacrificed so many productive hours by sitting through numerous unorganized and pointless meetings. Toxic coworkers interrupted my workflow just to rant on about their office politics. This led me to all the typical unhealthy choices that plague many Americans. I joined the mass zombie nation that is overworked, highly stressed, running on little sleep, no energy to exercise, and picked up horrible eating habits… the list could go on. Sadly, the same cycle went on with my next two jobs, only worse. Life was pretty miserable for me.

            In reality, it was because I had not taken responsibility of my own life. I did not define what my values were so I was living according to a combination of everyone else’s. Such as my co-workers, family, friends, boss, and even strangers on social media. It affected every aspect of my life until I decided to do something about it. I defined my core and personal values.

About Core and Personal Values

Defining Core and Personal Values?

         In my opinion, I believe core values are the main drivers of our lives. It is what we believe to be most important. They are deeply rooted values that are not likely to change throughout our lifetime. They help us to distinguish right from wrong. Personal values are derived from our core values. While personal values are also important to us, they are not as deep and can change as we experience life. I think of core values as being more precise and personal values as more broad. For example, if a person whose core value is achievement, their personal values could be challenge, drive, endurance, growth, influence, mastery, risk, and skillfulness. Personal values are connected and are an extension of our core values.

Roots of Our Values

       Many sources shape our core and personal values. Usually, they are first formed and influenced by our parents, teachers, and friends. As we grow up, our experiences also play a big part. In reality, everything we encounter molds our values. Our greatest values come from our personal experiences. Your list of values may be similar to someone but they are never identical to anyone else’s. They are unique to you.

           Values are discovered and revealed with every decision we make in life. We continuously make choices that either goes with or against our values. We feel happy when our choices are aligned and dissatisfied when they are not. Essentially, every decision is an opportunity to learn if we are truly living according to our values or not.

Why We Need to Identify and Define Our Values

   When we do not have defined values, we are subconsciously reacting to events that happen in our lives that may not be in line with who we are. If you were anything like me, I adopted the values of society and did not think about how they lined up with what was important to me. For example, I tried to achieve the typical milestones in life that most societies would as deem successful: go to college, get a job, drive a nice car, get married, buy a house, have kids, retire at 65, etc.

    In my short time on this Earth, I’ve managed to accomplish the first two. As I worked towards achieving these “dreams,” I really struggled along the way and never felt fulfilled. There were so many days that I questioned why my life felt so empty. That is when I realized that I was trying so hard to be someone I was not.

      All my choices were driven by if it would look good on paper, to please everyone around me, or to fit in. In reality, I was shying away from a more serious issue of not liking who I saw in the mirror. I became dependent on needing validation from parents, friends, and people whose opinion should not matter to me. It took my entire life to figure out that the dreams and values of society were not aligned with my own.

     It’s not to say that society’s values are wrong or that I won’t achieve those other milestones later down the line. It is just that, now, I realize that the definition of success is really just a matter of opinion. And the only opinion that should matter to us is our own. We have the freedom to define what success is for our own lives and nobody else. It is perfectly okay if it is different from your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and even strangers. There is no right or wrong answer.

    When we take the time to discover our true values it brings clarity into our lives. We have a better understanding of who we are and what we are not. We become more informed, gain confidence, and make decisions that align with our core and personal values. Our time becomes focused on doing things that we enjoy and finding ways to live more in tune with ourselves.

Conclusion:

In the end, we are what we value and we are the happiest when we live according to them. Our values help establish clear boundaries so that we can live out our purpose and have more intentional lives.

We become better at aligning our values and passions to the unlimited opportunities that surround us. This leads us to become and embrace our true authentic self.

Let’s Talk About It:

Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Do you have clear intentions for your life?

Do you know your core and personal values?

If you said “No” to any of these questions, check out my next blog post to help define your personal and core values.

As I tried to figure out my core and personal values, I came across a lot of great suggestions. I have organized them into steps and provide a few different ways so that you can find what works best for you. 

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THANK YOU so much for reading as I am so grateful for your precious time!